we had a long week last week. everyone got the flu. it started with my husband. then my son. then me. fever and cough and aching and just plain miserable.
my husband never used to get sick. when he was drinking. now he has been dry for 3 months (yeah!) and really didn't like getting the flu. he was running a temp of almost 104 and coughing and tired. then as he started to get better my son and i got sick. now, in the old days, he would have been drinking everyday, probably wouldn't have even gotten sick, and we would not have seen him the entire week. now, we were stuck together, trapped in our apartment, tired and miserable. but we survived. we made it. and so much of that is because we are changing.
i didn't have to feel like the world would end if i didn't take care of his every need. i learned that he is a grown man, and when he is sick i can offer help and support, but i don't need to make doctors appointments and make him take medicine. he can do that for himself. and i don't need to feel guilty when i get sick. and i learned that i have to take care of myself when i get sick too. i slept an entire day when i had the fever. seriously, til 5 pm! i would NEVER have done that before. i would have felt surely that the world would end if i didn't get up and take care of everyone around me. i am learning that i can care about everyone without TAKING CARE of everyone, especially when i need to take care of myself! and my son can help take care of himself too! and he survived me being sick, while he was sick himself.
before al-anon and my new way of living and looking at things, this flu would have been as emotionally stressful as physically. but i let go. i gave it to God, to my HP. i knew i was powerless, and i didn't let my life become unmanageable. so what if we got behind on the laundry and the cleaning and we were all miserable for a week. we watched movies and played games and took care of OURSELVES while caring for each other.
a crazy blessing. influenza and a new outlook on life. and i am getting the hang of this step 3 thing. letting go.
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A bit about me and this blog
- work in progress
- i am growing. i am finally living. i am a recovering codependent beginning my path to recovery by working the 12 step program in Al-Anon. i have been married twice and almost divorced twice to the same man. we have been together since 1995, and he drank from the time he was 13 until december of 2007. this is the story of my journey with him, and our son, and me. this is the story of spending most of my life trying to save a drowning man, only to find when i give up, decide to save myself, and swim ashore, i turn to find him standing. i am finding myself and learning to listen to and love myself. everyday is a gift and every moment there is something to be learned.
Blog Topics
- some days i get it (4)
- step 1 (4)
- step 3 (3)
- unmanageable (3)
- boundaries (2)
- life before al-anon (2)
- step 2 (2)
- anger (1)
- courage to change (1)
- fear (1)
- higher power (1)
- letting go (1)
- resentments (1)
- sponsor (1)
- trust (1)
Blogs I Like
Truth
"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth -- only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair." written by C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity
this quote came to me in September of 2007, before i broke my leg in October. this started it all. all the internal change that had been brewing for years came to a head when i first read this. and my life hasn't been the same since. i am reader. i am defined by this, by books i have read and ones i want to read. the smell of paper and ink and books in my hands provide more comfort to me than air. and i never, ever, wrote in books. until i read this. and i got a pencil, and underlined it. and now i write in books all the time. and i am changed. and i am new. and i am truth. comfort is gone. no growth in comfort. truth is hard and uncomfortable and not easy. but in the end, it is all there is.
and to end with another quote on truth....
"The search for truth is but the honest searching out of everything that interferes with truth. Truth is. It can neither be lost nor sought nor found." from A Course in Miracles
this quote came to me in September of 2007, before i broke my leg in October. this started it all. all the internal change that had been brewing for years came to a head when i first read this. and my life hasn't been the same since. i am reader. i am defined by this, by books i have read and ones i want to read. the smell of paper and ink and books in my hands provide more comfort to me than air. and i never, ever, wrote in books. until i read this. and i got a pencil, and underlined it. and now i write in books all the time. and i am changed. and i am new. and i am truth. comfort is gone. no growth in comfort. truth is hard and uncomfortable and not easy. but in the end, it is all there is.
and to end with another quote on truth....
"The search for truth is but the honest searching out of everything that interferes with truth. Truth is. It can neither be lost nor sought nor found." from A Course in Miracles
Books, Books, Books
1 comment:
Hey Work in Progress - just checking on you...it's been nearly a month since you posted. Hope all is well! - Laurie
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